


I Will Be (Okay)

by gilscout



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, me? projecting onto julian? its more likely than you think, mentions of julian/lucio, things i wish someone would tell me tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 23:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilscout/pseuds/gilscout
Summary: "You remember I was Count Lucio's physician, yes? I also happened to be his favorite toy, and oh how he did enjoy breaking his toys."





	I Will Be (Okay)

**Author's Note:**

> without getting too personal i projected a lot onto julian while writing this and i don't feel better but what can ya do i guess

_ Whore _ . 

 

The word bounces around venomously in Julian’s head as he lays in bed. A few years ago the word wouldn’t have bothered him, would have excited him in fact. Then  _ he _ happened. Now it just leaves Julian feeling dirty and defiled in the worst of ways. 

 

“ _ Can’t you do any better? Gods you’re hardly better than a piece of meat.”  _

 

The voice leaves Julian twisting uncomfortably in his bed, trying absently not to wake the body next to him. He can almost feel  _ his  _ hands on him, in him. It makes him feel disgusting. 

 

_ “You take it so easily. You were made for this weren’t you? It’s all you’ll ever be good for.”  _

 

Julian shudders at the feeling of a phantom hand around his neck, phantom fingers moving inside him. He wants to scream. He probably would if it weren’t for his sleeping partner. 

 

His sleeping partner who is beginning to wake. Soren stretches sleepily before his eyes land on Julian. Julian looks, simply put, awful, horrible bags under his eyes, anxiety and disgust tugging at his features, looking like he wants to crawl out of his own skin. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Soren asks quickly, reaching out to place a gentle hand on Julian’s shoulder. The doctor flinches away from the touch like he’s been burned. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, eyes wide in fear. 

 

Soren's heart breaks at that. 

 

“Shh,” he soothes, retracting his hand and instead chasing Julian’s darting eyes with his own. “It’s just me.” 

 

Julian takes a bit of coaxing to calm down, burying his face in Soren’s shoulder once he does. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Soren asks after a bit. Julian is silent for a moment. 

 

“Nevermind, it’s silly.” 

 

“Not if it’s made you this upset it’s not.” 

 

“You remember I was Count Lucio’s physician, yes?” Soren nodded slowly, dreading where Julian was going. “I also happened to be his favorite toy, and oh how he did enjoy breaking his toys.” 

 

“Julian…” He began, but the redhead cut him off. 

 

“Don’t worry about me love; I’m quite alright,” his hands were shaking even as he said this, and Soren ventured to touch him again, taking both hands in his. 

 

“You don’t have to be,” Soren says, and Julian almost breaks down. Almost. 

 

“I can still feel him,” Julian admits, barely above a whisper, so quiet Soren almost doesn’t hear him, “I can still feel his touch, hear his voice. It’s almost as if he were still here, torturing me.” 

 

Soren can only imagine what it must be doing to Julian, to be reliving that kind of abuse. The apprentice’s blood boils thinking of it. The Count is dead, and yet he lives on in Julian’s scars, tearing the man apart from the inside. 

 

He probably wasn’t the only one either, Soren thinks in horror. There are probably others like Julian, who were broken down by the Count, as if their lives meant nothing. Soren shakes his head; best no mt dwell on that now, not with Julian here, so open and vulnerable. 

 

Ever so gently, Soren draws the taller man into his arms, smoothing his fingers over Julian’s hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he stops shaking. 

 

“You are better than what he did to you,” Soren whispers into Julian’s hair, and the redhead’s breath hitches. 

  
_ I am better than what he did to me.  _ It’s something Julian has tried to tell himself for years, but hearing it from Soren, he feels he might finally be able to believe it, if only a little bit.

**Author's Note:**

> i wish someone would say that shit to me smh


End file.
